my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
