direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
