I wish I could teleport
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
