I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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