I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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