Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I would ride that face into the sunset
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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