he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
