just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
