So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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