one might say we're banned from that church
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
