if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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