Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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