I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize