I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
