Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
