I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
