she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
