I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
