I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
