look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
