u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
