he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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