do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
