I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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