I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
