We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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