The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
