tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
