we should wear snuggies to the strip club
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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