I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
