i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
