News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
