And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
