I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
