My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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