If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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