Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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