Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
