I faked an abortion last night.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
