I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
