rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
