the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
