Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
