In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
