i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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