yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
