you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
