that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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