so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize