We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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