I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize