After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize