ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
