I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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