I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
