haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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