ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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