I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
