trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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