remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
