Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize