You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
