I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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