you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
