i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
