Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
