let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize