All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
another moral hangover. fuck.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
