I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
