Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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