Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
