I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
