he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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