Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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