the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
