Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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