you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
