Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
