During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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